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- "I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."
- Rodney Dangerfield
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- I hope I never get so old I get religious.
- Ingmar Bergman
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- I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
- George Burns
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- "As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don't."
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- Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.
- George Burns
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